Home truth: The sexual abuse of children is not limited to girls in India

The incidents cited above from various parts of India are recent examples of a commonplace occurrence in the country that are generally suppressed, say child rights activists and counsellors.

“These cases are only the tip of the iceberg,” said Ashwini NV, founder of Muktha Foundation, Bengaluru, which works for the rights of child sexual abuse victims.

“This is not a new thing, hundreds of boys and men are sexually abused every single day in India,” she told South First.

As Delhi Commission for Women chief Swati Maliwal tweeted after the latest incident in the national capital, “In Delhi, not even boys are safe.”

दिल्ली में लड़की तो क्या लड़के भी सुरक्षित नहीं हैं। एक 12 साल के लड़के के साथ 4 लोगों ने बुरी तरह से रेप किया और डंडों से पीटकर अधमरी हालत में छोड़कर चले गए। हमारी टीम ने मामले में FIR दर्ज करवाई। 1 आरोपी गिरफ़्तार, 3 अब भी फ़रार, दिल्ली पुलिस को नोटिस जारी कर रही हूँ। pic.twitter.com/tXrqK7xkwm

— Swati Maliwal (@SwatiJaiHind) September 25, 2022

Silence on male sexual abuse

But what perhaps is even as appalling as the rape of boys — and even the sexual harassment of men — is the reluctance of the victims’ families and the society at large to speak about the issue.

The reluctance in India to acknowledge that boys are as vulnerable to sexual abuse as girls is perhaps best reflected in the tepid reaction to a tweet on the Delhi gangrape.

“This is no less than Nirbhaya case,” men’s rights activist Barkha Trehan had tweeted. “It’s legal in India to molest and rape men/boys. No laws to save their modesty. That is why gender-neutral laws are needed in this country.”

Delhi: Male Rape Case

12-year-old boy gang-raped.

— Barkha Trehan ?? / बरखा त्रेहन (@barkhatrehan16) September 25, 2022

The tweet did not create much of an impact among followers. Noting the muted reaction, a tweeper responded to her tweet thus: “You have 47K followers and tweeted 12h ago. There are not even 10 comments.”

In reply, Trehan, president of Delhi-based men’s rights group Purush Aayog, tweeted: “Male lives don’t matter. Jago, jago, it’s already too late.”

You have 47k followers and tweeted 12h ago. There are not even 10 comments.
If this would’ve female then there will be 10k retweets, 100s of comments, 50k likes and spread like wild fire in media and all over the world(i will not be surprised).

— BeastIncarnate (@BeastIn89316613) September 26, 2022

Sad Reality ?
Male Lives Don’t Matter .

Jago, Jago, it’s already too late. #MenToo #MenKiBaat #MardKaDard bhi samjho yaron. https://t.co/Ve3xxnBFsO

— Barkha Trehan ?? / बरखा त्रेहन (@barkhatrehan16) September 26, 2022

Later, during a chat with South First, she noted that when a woman is assaulted, men come out in their support, while the opposite is not true.

“Why hasn’t any minister tweeted or spoken about this gruesome incident in Delhi?” she asked.

Stereotyping boys, ignoring their abuse

But plainly, few people seem ready to face the truth; if anything, what is witnessed is a tendency to brush under the carpet any reported case of sexual abuse of boys, even if irrefutable proof is presented.

This is because, say child psychologists and counsellors, people in general have a stereotypical notion boys and men: They are strong, and therefore can handle such incidents.

Says Muktha Foundation’s Ashwini, “One of the prominent myths surrounding the topic of child sexual abuse is that boys don’t get abused.”

So oft-touted is this notion that it rubs off on the victims themselves, as a result of which they tend to hide any assault on them from their families.

“It is one of the potential reasons for boys not reporting sexual abuse,” said Stanley M, one of the founders of Odanadi Seva Samsthe, an NGO that fights for children’s rights.

What is worse, Stanley said, the notion of boys are strong is so widespread that victims find few takers when they do come forward to report any assault.

“Even legally, unless there is some wound on a boy’s private part it is not considered as abuse. Police also do not take it seriously,” Stanley told South First.

“Molestation, rape, etc., are difficult to prove legally in a boy’s case. Even medically, it’s difficult to prove for boys. This issue needs to be taken up seriously, and the police need to start believing those boys who report such cases.”

Adds Ashwini: “The myth needs to be busted.”

Need to discuss abuse of boys

The need of the hour, said Ashwini, is wider and more open discussions on the subject of child abuse; in fact, she wants the vulnerable segment – children of both genders – to be involved in the discussions.

“Not many think it is important to talk to our boys and protect them,” she rues. “(But) we must talk to children, irrespective of their gender, on prevention of child sexual abuse.”

According to her, children – including boys – ought to be educated on the following topics:

• Contact and non-contact forms of child sexual abuse;
• Tricks abusers use to gain their trust, and maintain secrecy after abusing them;
• Myths regarding child sexual abuse;
• Safety skills to prevent child sexual abuse;
• What children must do if they have been abused already.

Agrees Dr Sylvia Karpagam, medical doctor at St John’s Hospital in Bengaluru and health activist. “We need to create spaces to talk about sexual abuse of boys and men,” she tweeted after the Delhi boy’s rape incident.

We need to create spaces to talk about Sexual abuse of boys and men

— Dr. Sylvia Karpagam (@sakie339) September 25, 2022

Dr Karpagam later told South First that people should have “safe spaces” to talk about sexual abuse and how to hold systems accountable.

“The silence around sexual abuse of boys and men is a cause for concern,” she said.

Boys ill-prepared to deal with trauma

Dr Preethi Galgali, adolescent counsellor at the Bengaluru-based mental and neurosciences institute NIMHANS, said boys have been frequently subjected to severe forms of sexual abuse that include being photographed in the nude.

“Some of these have happened in families, the acts committed by their relatives and siblings,” Dr Galagali told South First.

These incidents, “unquestionably” leave a profound impact on their psychological and emotional well-being, she said, causing the victims to get addicted to alcohol and drugs, get aggressive, develop suicidal thoughts, have problems sleeping and often slip into depression.

Moreover, they can have difficulty in schoolwork as kids or developing intimate relationships in adulthood.

“Parents need to watch out for these symptoms,” Dr Preethi said.

Stanley dwelt on another aspect: Cases have often been reported where the victims are boys living in hostels at temple mathas, staff accommodations at hotels, and childcare homes; these seldom become public.

“This is a dangerous situation as the victims themselves can become predators,” he said.

According to Purush Aayog’s Trehan, research has shown that male sex abuse survivors not only have few resources available to them, but they also face greater stigma than female survivors.

Due to the societal belief that boys are stronger, they don’t come forward to express the trauma; even the police tend to laugh it off, she said.

She explained that in several cases, after motivating the boys to come forward to lodge a complaint, with no one to empathise with the boys/men their cases tend to be sidelined and pushed away too.

Trehan, who has made a documentary titled The Curse of Manhood in which she speaks about false dowry and assault cases against men, added that “this is not a first case and there are many such cases”.

Watch: For tips on child safety beyond Good Touch-Bad Touch