Parichaya Vedike brings singles over 50 to socialise and connect with people who have similar interests. (Supplied)
Socialising, dating, forging friendships and even falling in love is traditionally considered to be a young person’s game. But what most people fail to understand is that older people are particularly vulnerable to loneliness and social isolation. Especially after they have lost or separated from a long-term partner. NM Rajeshwari understood this long back, from her personal experience. It led the 70-something to start Thodu Needa – an NGO to empower people over 50 to get out there and make new connections. And no, marriage is not a mandate.
“I started this initiative out of my own loneliness. As a single woman in her 70s, I have suffered a lot of social stigma and faced many issues. But my children have always been supportive. They encouraged me in every aspect. So I decided to come forward to help people who are going through the same situation as me,” shares Rajeshwari about her Hyderabad-based NGO.
Thodu means companion and Needa means shadow. Together, it conveys that “your companion will be there for you like a shadow as long as you live”, she shares.
NM Rajeshwari (Supplied)
Over the last 10 years, the collective has organised several singles mixers called Parichaya Vedike for people over 50. Now for the first time, they are bringing the event to Bengaluru.
“There are so many platforms for people below 50 to find partners. Because of social stigma and personal reasons, older people don’t get this opportunity even if they want to. We have seen women from Bengaluru come to Hyderabad to attend the event. So I thought of making it easier for them,” shares Rajeshwari about the upcoming event.
Rajeshwari tells South First, “Earlier, people used to live in joint families where different generations stayed together. So people shared their feelings, needs and expenses with each other. Now, there are nuclear families. Most children move abroad or to other cities for work so the senior people are left behind. If one of the partners has passed away, the other person becomes totally alone.”
Even older people feel the need to share their feelings and emotions. “So finding someone to get married to or to share their lives with is the only solution,” she asserts.
Rajeshwari has organised over 50 such mixers. During the first edition itself, over 70 people participated. Now, at least 150 take part in every event.
The only criteria to take part is that participants have to be single and over 50. (Supplied)
The only problem stopping more women from attending is the stigma around it, Rajeshwari points out. But that’s slowly changing.
“Earlier, there used to be only 10-15 women but now, over 50 attend. So maybe things are slowly changing,” she hopes.
The platform, Rajeshwari says, is just like a swayamvaram of sorts. People who are looking for a partner can register. The only criteria is that they have to be single and over 50.
“Participants must bring an age proof (Aadhaar card), and divorce certificate or death certificate of their spouse. All the documents are mandatory. People can’t just come forward without any of these,” she informs.
The event starts with a self-introduction session where participants share their name, age, place of residence, family and financial situation, and what they are looking for in a partner. If someone is interested in another participant, an interaction session is arranged where they can talk more. In some cases, they decide right away that they want to move forward. Some others take 2-3 months to get to know each other. If things go well, families get involved and the couple decides whether they want a marriage or just companionship.
“Most children are accepting nowadays, but there are some who are held back by their prejudices or sometimes, reasons involving money. They don’t want to share family inheritance with the second spouse. So we have introduced the option of live-in relationships,” Rajeshwari shares.
It’s not illegal. And in this case, there are no property rights for the new partner.
Thodu Needa is a platform to help people cope with loneliness. (Supplied)
“The women here aren’t looking for money or property, they are in this for companionship. So when both parties are okay, they choose to live together under one roof without getting married. And if things don’t work out, they can get separated without any legal formalities,” she adds.
When asked if she faces opposition for what she is doing, Rajeshwari laughs it off.
“There is some resistance that comes from society and sometimes from children of certain participants. But I don’t care. I’m not doing anything illegal but simply helping people who are lonely. If people are happy with this, why can’t we let them be?” she asks.
To do something like this, all you need is courage, she adds.
“One should be able to face the resistance from children, and society but not the court. As long as it’s not illegal, I will continue doing this,” she clarifies.
According to Rajeshwari, there are no other programs in India working for this cause without charging any money.
Hundreds of people have found partners after attending Thodu Needa events. (Supplied)
“The money we take is for the event’s expenses such as arranging lunch. There is no salary being taken by anyone. Whereas, there are matrimony platforms which charge ₹10k-₹20k to do this. For them, it is business. We are an NGO working towards a cause,” she notes.
Thodu Needa is not just a platform to get people married but to help them cope with loneliness.
“For people who don’t want to marry or for those whose children don’t want them to marry, we have several other programs. We organise tours, pot lucks, outings, games like tambola, antakshari among others. We get together as a group, talk, play and have a good time,” she shares.
So far, there have been thousands of participants.
“In the last 10 years, hundreds of marriages have happened. Even from the last event that we conducted in November, three are now officially married and one couple have started living together,” Rajeshwari is delighted to share.
Parichaya Vedike will be held on 28 January, 2024
Time: 10 am to 1 pm
Venue: Green Path Eco Hotel
185/,1 Opposite Metro Station, Rajiv Gandhi Circle, Sampige Road, Malleswaram
Participants must bring
Aadhaar Card (photocopy) and divorce or death certificate of partner (photocopy).
Registration fee: ₹500 for women, ₹1000 for men.
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