Friendship Day calls for a celebration of the pure and platonic bond between hearts, but it’s also a reminder that some friendships can leave a scar on your soul forever.
While some friendships bring pure joy, others can leave you gutted. (Unsplash/Mojtaba Ravanbakhsh
Friendship is synonymous with happiness, blessing, and forever. For many people around the world, their friends have been the fountain of these affirmatives.
But like most things in life, friendship also comes with a face of dualities. While some friendships can bring sunshine and rainbows, others can be a long dark night, leaving scars that rupture the bond forever.
This International Friendship Day, I spoke to four people whose hearts were broken and trust shattered in their friendships. There was no fairytale ending for them. Here are their personal accounts:
I knew I was gay since I was eight; I never told anyone about it. When I was 23, Puneet*, my friend and colleague, somehow figured it out and asked me one day if I was gay.
No one, not even a friend, has the right to reveal someone’s private details on social media. (Unsplash/Adrian Swancar)
I opened up and thankfully, nothing changed between us. He was still my friend and life continued.
One day, he asked me if I would ever come out to my family. I told him that was not an option as my parents were very religious and conservative. They would never accept or understand me.
Somehow, he convinced me to tell my parents and I did. I was expecting verbal or even physical abuse, but instead, my family had a long talk with me. They said that no matter my sexual orientation, I will always be their son.
It was a beautiful moment. I was beyond grateful to Puneet. That night before going to bed, my phone started blowing up and when I checked, it was notifications from Instagram.
To my horror, Puneet had posted my coming out to my family on his Instagram Story and had tagged me. Fear and anger coursed through me as I called him right away.
When I confronted Puneet, he told me that since my parents were okay with me being gay, he thought I would be comfortable with letting everyone else know. And that such a moment “should be shared”.
I could not comprehend what he was saying. It was the last we spoke. To this day, I cannot believe that an intelligent, educated man with common sense would do something like this.
After getting outed on Instagram, I got a lot of messages asking me if this had happened with my consent. When I told them what happened, Puneet overnight turned into a monster among our friends and, for some reason, he blamed me for it.
Sure, I am living a blessed comfortable life now with my family and friends, but it still hurts thinking about how such an intimate moment of my life was broadcast to the world. And that too because of a tactless person, who I considered my close friend.
Back in college, Sneha* and I were close friends. For the first two years, we always hung out together and were known to be the “nerd sisters”. We had our noses buried in books all the time. Fiction, of course.
Making a friend in a trio feel like a third wheel can be traumatising. (Unsplash/Suhyeon Choi)
In the third year, we became friends with another girl, Sofia*, our classmate. We had taken part in a street play together and started hanging out.
Soon, I started noticing Sneha and Sofia getting closer.
It was a little unsettling to watch, as I felt I was being sidelined. I thought it was all in my head until I saw their pictures on Facebook of having gone on a trip to Ooty on the weekend.
Completely gobsmacked, I asked them about the trip, to which Sneha said, “I am so sorry, we completely forgot to ask you to join us. It was a sudden trip. We’ll go together next time for sure!”
As the year progressed, such incidents became a norm where the two would hang out and I was never on their radar. Soon, I found another group of friends and our trio had officially split.
It has been over 10 years, but I still can’t get over the feeling of total abandonment that I experienced. I know it sounds childish, but I wish they had apologised. It’s understandable to find a new friend, but chucking your old pals behind? That is cruel.
Rishab* and I were friends since the third grade in school. Despite our contrasting personalities, we survived every turbulent event in our lives, including my father’s death.
Moving to a new city with a friend can alter the relationship forever. (Unsplash/Mantas Hesthaven)
We grew up imagining all the fun ways in which we would be involved in each other’s lives, even when we were old and wrinkled. Not being in each other’s lives was not an option.
Two years ago, we graduated from college with our Master’s degrees and moved to Bengaluru for our jobs. Of course, we got a place together, as we had planned.
Things started to change when Rishab got a girlfriend, who was a common friend, and I knew her as well. Soon, plans started getting cancelled, calls went unanswered, and he was not available.
I did not have much of an issue with that because he had another person in his life now. But one night, I called him because he was out with his girlfriend quite late and he had an important meeting in the morning.
What happens to a friendship when a significant other appears? (Unsplash/krakenimages)
Suddenly, I heard his phone ring and was taken aback knowing he was inside the house. He was in his room with his girlfriend, and I was about to knock when I heard her asking Rishab not to pick up the call.
I expected him to tell her that he would answer the call, instead, he said “I can’t wait to get away from him! Babe, can we finalise that 2BHK and just move out already? How was I even friends with such a boring person for so long? Seriously, babe, you were right. I need to get away from here.”
It felt as if someone had punched me in the throat.
I couldn’t breathe as I heard my best friend of 15 years saying that he can’t stand me anymore. I knew we were growing apart after he got into a relationship but I never imagined that his feelings for me would change so rapidly and in such an extreme manner.
I moved out in a month and cut all contact with him.
I don’t think I can make a long-term friendship again, as I don’t want to break my heart, all over again.
Back when I was in my 20s, I was overweight for a few years. It had put a huge dent in my confidence. However, I didn’t let it show and continued living my life.
Commenting on a person’s weight, even if they’re a friend, is uncalled for. (Unsplash/Kelsey Chance)
I had this friend from work, Viddhi*, with whom I would often go out for movies, dinner, and drinks. She was privy to a lot of details about my personal life as we were quite close.
I would often tell her about my attempts at losing weight and all the different diets and workouts I was trying. Every small progress I made, I shared with her and I liked listening to her praising me.
I guess I needed that validation from a thin and pretty person.
Whenever we would go out to eat, I realised that Viddhi would order big portions of food and never eat the entire meal.
Usually, I would help finish her portion as I am not in favour of wasting food, or she would ask for a to-go bag and give it to me.
I saw it as her being simply generous.
One time we were out for dinner, I told her I would be eating something light as I was doing good with my weight loss and wanted to keep the progress going.
I ordered a salad and she, a large plate of carbonara, which just happens to be my favourite.
I asked her why she was ordering that since she would never be able to finish it. What she said next rocked me to my core, “What’s the problem? You’re going to eat the rest of it anyway, right?”
I couldn’t find words to respond to her. But I somehow managed to tell her that I would not be eating her leftovers this time, as I was working on losing weight.
Her next words rang the death knell on our friendship.
“Why are you even bothering to lose weight? You know it will all come back, right? You look so pretty even though you’re chubby, why are you trying to change that?”
No surprise that we are not friends anymore. I can’t believe I let a toxic person like her around me for such a long time.
(*Names changed to maintain anonymity.)
