This Friendship Day, an Army kid tells you her story of how making friends in new places is both amazing and terrifying.
No one knows more about being petrified by the concept of making new friends than an Army kid. (L- Unsplash_Helena Lopes/R- Facebook_Kumar Gautam)
Making friends. A simple yet daunting reality that a lot of us wade through as children, teenagers, and even adults. I can attest to the predicament that my legion of friends, through the years, have confided in me when it comes to bonding with an absolute stranger. And their fear is justified.
The older you get and the more you come to terms with your inhibitions, the harder it gets to open up to someone new. But what is one to do if they have no choice but to strike friendships? Every two years? In new places? That’s the life of almost every person living the ‘defence’ life.
One of the best things about being an Army kid is the experience of making new friends. (Facebook/Kumar Gautam)
As an Army kid, I familiarised myself with the hard truth of moving every two years and encountering new people, early on. The complexities and technicalities of making friends didn’t really hit me till I was around nine years old.
That’s when evil struck — ego.
When you’re a little kid you shamelessly plant yourself before whoever catches your fancy. You mark your territory all over them. But as you develop your ego, and the whole ‘why should I even bother? They should talk to me’ soliloquy starts brewing in your head, voila! You have a block stopping you from making friends.
Being proactive is key when it comes to making friends in a new place. (Unsplash_Hannah Busing)
Back in my school days, whenever I found myself in a new place, the first step was to mingle without attracting too much attention. But, that did not mean to chuck myself into every clique but to talk to as many people as I could.
I learned early on that sitting in your seat waiting for someone to come and talk to you in a downright juvenile decision. Being proactive is key.
Asking different classmates about lesson plans, asking to show around the school, discussing the lunchtime situation and which teacher to watch out for…there was never a dearth of topics.
Also, this was not small talk. It was valid information I needed as a new student. But by going around asking for information daily for a week or so, I broke the ice and helped me settle in sooner as my classmates got more familiar with me.
Making new friends as an introvert can be exceptionally daunting. (Unsplash_Anthony Tran)
When it comes to making new friends, you need to exude a cheerful and sunny vibe, right?
No, you don’t.
Even though I appear to be an extrovert, those close to me know how I go almost catatonic at the notion of interacting with new people. And the same was back in my Army days.
No matter how familiar you get with the process of uprooting your whole life and moving to a new place, the idea of interacting with a crop of new kids always affects your ability to breathe a bit. And even if you are not particularly a chatterbox, there is one thing you must do to survive — talk.
I still remember sitting in the green Army bus on my first week of school in the sixth grade. I felt sick to my stomach because no one was talking to me. Feelings of anger would coarse through me. I mentally cursed my parents for tossing me into new places and making me leave my old friends behind.
Shutting yourself off & waiting for others to approach you is not practical. (Unsplash_Vincent Guth)
But what I failed to realise was that I had completely closed myself off. Even when someone on the bus tried to talk to me or sit next to me, I gave monosyllabic responses or just made sounds of acknowledgement.
What I was doing was pretty much the opposite of survival and soon, I got the tag of being the new kid with the stuck-up attitude. See the problem?
Communication is the key to everything. You don’t need to weave yarns with every single person you meet, But, being able to say a composite sentence without giving out ‘Morticia’ vibes is all it takes.
It took me almost two months to get rid of that tag and finally be a part of my new school. I had learned a crucial lesson that I carry with me to this very day.
Forcing yourself to be friends with people you don’t understand can make you lonelier. (Unsplash_Redd F)
Good friends shape your school life, and that’s a fact I can vouch for. And the same falls for bad company as well.
However, having almost become besties with some downright terrible people taught me the lesson of saying no to people at an early age.
Back in 10th grade, by some cruel fluke, I found myself in a clique comprising the class’s airheads and delinquents. By virtue of being the new kid, I was in my ‘people-pleaser’ phase. I had somehow appeared agreeable to the last group of people I should have been friends with.
I hung out with them in school, at sports clubs, officer mess parties, for almost two months. But, I realised that in my quest to find new friends, I had settled with a group of people who were the very opposite of the type of people I needed in life.
After gradually distancing myself from them, I befriended a girl, who was basically the class loner. However, she is an incredible person.
I learned another important lesson.
Just because you don’t find your people, you need not settle for a group that gives you a vague sense of belonging. Finding good friends can take time, just don’t make bad choices out of desperation.
it’s not about how many friends you make, but who you are friends with. (Unsplash_Taylor Smith)
Despite my old phase of seven transfers, six schools and countless friends, sometimes I struggle with feelings of unease and trepidation at the thought of meeting new people.
I make the wrong call and misjudge people. Not just that, I alienate good folks and battle bouts of loneliness when friends are not around.
But my Army life has taught me that you’ll always find friends, no matter where life throws you.
If you are a good person, good people will always find you. Most importantly, it’s not about how many friends you make, but who you are friends with.
May 03, 2024
May 03, 2024
May 03, 2024
May 03, 2024
May 02, 2024
May 02, 2024
