InJest is a satirical column from South First. Names, places, situations referred to in the satirical piece are fictitious and are not intended to hurt any sentiments. The column is meant to be taken with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of laughs.
Published Jan 22, 2025 | 8:18 PM ⚊ Updated Jan 22, 2025 | 8:22 PM
InJest in a satirical column by South First. Names, places, situations are all fictitious. Caricature by Satish Acharya/South First.
22 states in the United States of America (USA) have sued their newly-minted but tried-and-tested President Donald Trump for his order rescinding birthright citizenship. But, some 13,000 kilometers away, in India’s Andhra Pradesh and Telangana, elderly Telugu parents are overcome with joy and have been ‘Hip, Hip, Hooray’ing Trump since he signed on that executive order.
Speaking to Satire Satya, 65-year-old Mangaladevi said the order has just saved her a trip to her daughter’s house in Mississippi. She was to travel from Vijayawada in Andhra Pradesh once again to Mississippi to care for her daughter who is expecting her second child. She had already begun packing for the trip. Curry leaves, Guntur red chillies, gongura pickle, vankai pulusu powder were already packed and she was yet to start making Gavvalu, Ariselu, Palli unda, Chegodi.
The only time Mangaladevi visited the US was three years ago when her daughter was expecting her first child. She had to first tend to her expectant daughter and then nanny her first grandchild for several months.
Mississippi’s snowy winters did her aching back no good. The miserable Avakkai thokku at the local Indian hypermarket didn’t make matters better!
Back home in India, Mangaladevi’s husband had to grudgingly manage without her crispy, off-the-tawa and straight-to-the-plate dosas for months. “Our daughter categorically said only her mother should come and help. I had to stay back and take care of myself! Thanks to Trump, my wife can now only nanny me and not the baby henceforth,” he gleefully told Satire Satya.
“I had to go there so our grandchild automatically gets US citizenship even though my daughter is on a work Visa. With this new law in place, there’s no more headache of planning things around birthright citizenship,” Mangaladevi said.
She is relieved that her daughter can instead come to India – better healthcare, cheaper procedures and no grouse of citizenship denial. “I can give my grandchild castor oil baths and sambrani steams without worrying that neighbours will call child services on me,” Mangaladevi said with relief.
She is not alone. Her peers too are ecstatic that they don’t have to fly all the way to USA to help their children deliver their respective children. Apart from the trip itself, Trump’s new rule on citizenship has also saved them from nagging relatives who queue up outside their homes when they return from the US, asking them what ‘foreign gifts’ they brought for them. In all, Trump has Telugu parents’ stamp of approval.
Disclaimer: This is a piece of satire and is fictitious.
