Published Jul 31, 2026 | 3:15 PM ⚊ Updated Jul 31, 2026 | 3:15 PM
InJest in a satirical column by South First. Names, places, situations are all fictitious. Caricature by Satish Acharya/South First.
Fed up with social media backlash from students over news leaks about question paper leaks in competitive exams and the government’s mistakes in general, a new Leak Ministry is to be formed to stop such information leaking.
Satire Satya leaks this story after flushing out a new confidential source, whitewasher turned barber to the Top Minister.
“While the principal aim is to stop leaks of news that embarrass the government, if question paper leaks can be stopped as well then it will be looked into,” the source leaked.
“Manage all leaks” was the direction given by the Top Minister to his Cabinet.
“When a junior said he thinks he meant stop all leaks, he was immediately reprimanded and chosen to be Leak Minister,” the source kept on leaking.
The supreme leader declared, “Only leaks of items which embarrass the government or are true are to be plugged.”
New Leak Minister was quick to point out, “Since leaks are impossible to stop, their news is to be managed better. These include intentional and unintentional leaks. Good leaks and bad leaks. Our leaks or their leaks. Big leaks or small leaks.”
New Leak Minister was quick to point out, “Leaks which the government deems good are to be managed and made more efficient for maximum benefit to us and harm to the opposition.”
Leaks by government sources that help journalists do their jobs by holding the opposition accountable for everything wrong with the country and the government’s mistakes are not to be touched.
But they will also come under the purview of the new ministry, was the leaked understanding among the Cabinet.
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It was agreed that leaking of insightful information, like the Top Minister barely sleeping, awards, honours and medals asked for and received, pilgrimages to temples in election-bound states, are all leaks which can be considered good.
“Leaking of opposition leaders to our party, which helps us break governments and form our own, is also good,” the House Minister said proudly.
He warned, “News about the leaks, or leaks about the news about them, shouldn’t get out till we want it to.”
Satya leaks that he declared, “To make sure the ministry’s leaks are adhered to and are efficient, the ED, CBI, traffic constables and peons in government offices will be brought under the ministry.”
All the issues that might arise with the proposal, and good and bad leaks, were discussed drop by drop.
When allies of the government, also known as the mainstream media, worried that it might impact their work, they were quickly comforted.
Leaks from the opposition, real and otherwise (especially fake and embarrassing), will be provided to them in quicker and more regular waves.
Nationalist YouTubers and influencers will also be provided with the staple diet of leaks about the Top Minister’s fairy tale achievements, unthinkable thoughts and undone routines, which will be invented and supplied with greater frequency.
This will also be the first ministry to be sponsored by cement and Fevi Glue companies.
As soon as Satya started leaking the news, the Plumbers Association of the country was up in wrenches and plungers against the proposed new ministry.
“They are giving leaks a bad name. They are our livelihood,” they said.
Another said, “If they stop all leaks then what will we do.”
Once government sources leaked to them that it was only about managing leaks that hurt the government, and not kitchens and washrooms, the protests were plugged.
(InJest is a satirical column from South First. Names, places, situations referred to in the satirical piece are fictitious and are not intended to hurt any sentiments. The column is meant to be taken with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of laughs.)
(Written by Prabhpreet, an Unsanskari Writer, with a lifelong experience of laughing at things that make him cry.)
