How much have we evolved as a society when it comes to protecting women from abuse? Some women share their lived realities with South First.
Published Aug 30, 2024 | 3:00 PM ⚊ Updated Aug 30, 2024 | 3:00 PM
Illustration of harassment against women (By Chaitanya)
What constitutes as harassment? It ranges from incessant phone calls, unwanted visits, violating your body without your consent to terrifying threats, including heinous crimes like acid attacks, rape and sometimes even murder.
Each time my phone or doorbell rings there is a harrowing blend of fear and anger that consumes me, a feeling all too familiar to many women who have endured harassment.
Due to my own experience and the horrifying sexual harassment allegations that have been rocking the Malayalam film industry since the release of the Justice Hema Committee report and the rape and murder of the Kolkata doctor, I spoke to a few survivors to understand if they have been able to get protection and proper response from authorities when required and whether they are comfortable with going forward with filing the complaint in the first place. And do helplines come to their aide?
Despite facing a terrifying ordeal where a trusted individual turned into a harasser and threatened me by boasting about his father’s influence as a retired police officer, I found myself struggling to get help when I needed it most. The initial response from the emergency helpline was disheartening, leaving me feeling trapped and desperate.
I called the emergency number 112 and was told that they can provide help only if the man was physically at my location. If I wanted to file a complaint, I had to go to the nearest police station, they said and it frustrated me. When I expressed concern about him calling my friends and family, the person on the other end simply repeated their earlier advice.
Fortunately, through personal help, I was able to connect with a women’s cell inspector in Bengaluru who took my case immediately and acted swiftly, providing the relief and protection I had been desperately seeking.
Speaking to several survivors of harassment for the South First, this correspondent realised that despite a lot of such instances taking place, a complaint is hardly filed.
There is a need for better education and resources, not just for the victims but also for the authorities responsible for their protection. Women should not be left questioning their next steps or feelings as though they must endure harassment in silence because the system is too difficult to navigate or unresponsive. The struggle for safety, respect, and proper support remains a pressing issue that demands comprehensive and immediate action.
Sunitha (name changed) drew attention to the concern and fear that so many of her friends and coworkers have about harassment because of the new developments surrounding the rape and murder of a junior doctor in a Kolkata hospital. A fellow survivor, she told South First, “It always starts with threatening calls or messages, but often it leads to something worse. We always walk with an eye over our shoulder and all we ask is prevention rather than protection. And in many cases like the one in Kolkata, statements from victims’ loved ones after they are dead is what seems to bring such heinous crimes to light. That shouldn’t have to be the case.”
Recently, an advocate from Tamil Nadu highlighted the inadequacies in the support systems for women facing harassment. “The helpline is almost useless,” she told South First, pointing out that it often fails to function effectively. “Their focus is reactive, not preventive. It’s sickening.” Initial police complaints typically result in a mere warning, which can exacerbate the situation. “What is a woman supposed to do?” the advocate asked, capturing the frustration and helplessness felt by many. Despite numerous initiatives and support options, their execution often falls short. This is a short excerpt from what the lawyer said about ways of addressing the rampant issue.
Far beyond the immediate threat and panic after being harassed, deeply affect the survivors for a long time after. Women survivors often report experiencing intense anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The fear of repeated harassment or escalation of threats creates a constant state of hypervigilance and stress.
In my own experience, the constant harassment has led to sleepless nights, a constant state of fear, and a feeling of being trapped in my own life.
Bengaluru too has seen a surge in harassment cases. Recent news reports of women being stalked, threatened, harassed and raped have sparked outrage. These incidents underscore the urgent need for systemic change, as the existing mechanisms continue to fall short.
Rama (name changed) stated, “It’s confusing and frustrating how entitled some men feel.” She said she had left the city because of her encounter. Her parents had deserted her during her difficult period because they believed it would damage their reputation in the community.
“My niece, who is only 16 years old, had been harassed by an elderly man who kept stalking her and showing up at her house, with no way out for several months,” Sita (name changed) told South First, “Her parents then took the step to file a complaint.” It is important to note that filing complaints are only possible if parents are not tied down by the social stigma that comes with it and do not tend to blame their children, which is often the case.
Sheila (name changed), a Bengaluru resident who recently finished her undergraduate studies in Delhi and came to the city to pursue her master’s degree. “It began with invasive messages and quickly progressed to death threats. I made the decision to return home since I had no idea who to ask for help. He found out about it and came to the train station threatening to cause a commotion before I could go. Luckily, there were some police officers on the platform, so as soon as I walked in their direction, he swiftly moved away. And I have never been able to get over it,” she recalls about some ‘friend’ from the past.
Victims often express frustration with the lack of clear guidance and support and not knowing whom to approach to even take actions. More importantly, they don’t ever know if their own families will end up believing them.
Surendara, a father of two daughters, reflects a shift in mindset that many parents are beginning to embrace. “If someone harasses my child, I will use all my power to hurt him,” he admits, acknowledging the anger such situations provoke. However, he also recognised the need for change, not just in how we react to threats but in the very lessons we pass down through generations. “The idea of hurting someone should change,” he says. “The roots, generational lessons—it all has to change.”
Surendara’s focus has shifted from a reactive stance to a proactive one, emphasising the importance of creating a safe space for his daughters. “I now only focus on creating a safe space for my daughter to reach out to me when in need of help,” he explains.
Divakaran, a brother to three sisters, recounted a troubling experience when he discovered a man stalking and harassing his sister for years without his knowledge. “I had no clue about it until I saw him following my sister and her friend one day,” he said. “I approached him and made sure his face kissed the ground.”
His sister’s response, however, made him rethink his action. “She told me, ‘The way you act out of anger is what all men do. We should have gone to the police,’” Divakaran said. He added that he had seen his college friends struggle, often feeling unable to go to the police, with some even being asked for money to expedite their cases. “I wish justice is easier and accessible to all,” he said.
DSP Sarah Fathima, overseeing Bengaluru’s Southeast division, says that help is readily available for women facing harassment. “We are always available, and I have people on rounds at night,” Fathima said. She mentioned the presence of a one-stop help center, aimed to ensure swift action against harassers. “If you do not reach out to us, how will we know that you are in trouble?” she said.
“We are also responsive on social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram,” Fathima added. “Women can post their concerns there, and we will immediately track and trace the harassers.” For those unable to access online forums, she encouraged direct contact with police stations or known officers for immediate assistance. “If women cannot access the online forum, they can come to the police station or contact any police officers they know to get help right away,” she assured.
(Edited by Neena)
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