Published Jul 27, 2026 | 5:16 PM ⚊ Updated Jul 27, 2026 | 5:16 PM
InJest in a satirical column by South First. Names, places, situations are all fictitious. Caricature by Satish Acharya/South First.
In a defeat of fair and fearless journalism, Shorswami was left with vegetarian egg on his face after he was double crossed by the government, not once but twice, for following its lead and packaging “news” exactly how the government wanted.
It all began two weeks ago when he was given the responsibility of spreading real news that it was a political masterstroke that hundreds of opposition MPs were now going to support the government without any threats of jail or cases or anything other than their inner voice.
Shorswami and his government handler-cum-source god-promised each other that neither the government nor Shouts Wow would utter a single word or acknowledge students protesting against paper leaks, demanding compensation for student suicides and the resignation of the Paper Leaks minister.
Shorswami knew what was to be done, and definitely not done, and he did both louder than anyone else.
Guided by his inner voice, he ignored the student protests even more than other channels, just like he had done other protests in the last decade as asked by his reliable government sources.
And just when he was celebrating himself for the government finally having 400 MPs on its side like the Tea Minister had promised years ago, the government acknowledged the student protests by lathi charging them.
Feeling double crossed, he dialled the TMO in anger and was ready to shout as if talking to an opposition leader. He changed his tune before the other side even picked up.
“I’m willing to be double crossed or lied to a thousand times in national interest. It’s the least I can do for you,” he assured his handler-cum-source.
Also Read: ‘What’s going on inside BJP?’: RSS leaders’ soft approach to student protests raise questions
Still feeling betrayed by it, Shorswami decided to channel his anger at the government towards those getting beaten up.
Like a reel TV journalist, his toolkit to take on those protesting against the government was ready. He just had to figure out which of the ones he had used earlier worked best on the students.
Worried that he might miss out on some angle, he decided to go with them all together.
He called the protestors “Tukde tukde gang”, “anti-nationals”, “Khalistani” and a few more things, night after night and during the day too.
His voice got louder as he even sent his reporters to Jantar Mantar to accuse them in person, all in national interest.
He made sure that no stone was left unthrown as he told the viewers in calm agitation, “it’s not about who was more violent or got violent first. It’s about whose job it is to be violent and whose job it is to suffer violence.”
Shorswami thundered at his brilliance, “Police did their jobs, students didn’t. They acted like they were preparing to apply for police jobs.”
Shorswami’s lone viewer, his driver watching at home, clapped at his brilliance.
He knew he was wrong and right at the same time and those in government appreciated his sacrifice of sacrificing his reporters to prove that the protestors were violent as well.
He even dared to take on the Gen Z and called them what no one had ever dared to: “bored”. He even roped in the CIA as backing them. Gen Z agreed they were CIA, thinking it meant “see insta always.”
Also Read: ‘Honour your promise’: CJP tells Centre amid reports of police action against protesters
Shorswami even told the protestors how the leaks were good for them.
He explained, “Because of paper leak maybe hundreds of deserving candidates lost an opportunity. But the re-examination gave lakhs of undeserving students another chance. Lakhs beat hundreds.”
It was all going as per the government’s plan and Shorswami was claiming the credit for it beating and refusing to talk to the protestors’ demands.
Shorswami was assured the protestors would not be given what they wanted no matter what.
“There won’t be any resignation,” he declared.
The government stayed true to its word. Till it didn’t.
Government declared that the minister whose head was the cause had been chopped and the protestors were hailed as the real noise of the nation by the government.
Having been double double crossed, a furious Shorswami declared, “I’ve had enough of this government.”
He quickly accepted being lied to again and didn’t even need to make a call this time.
His TMO source did call him this time.
“We did it for you,” he was told. Shorswami, confused, asked, “Me?”
He was told sincerely, “Yes, now you can forget the last two weeks and do what you had planned a week ago. Get us a hundred MPs.”
