Published Aug 24, 2026 | 5:19 PM ⚊ Updated Aug 24, 2026 | 5:19 PM
InJest in a satirical column by South First. Names, places, situations are all fictitious. Caricature by Satish Acharya/South First.
As the government and TV media celebrated Happy Dependence Day on and with each other, Shorswami promised to find the nonexistent existential nonthreat called ‘Dimaagi Naxals’.
The Tea Minister, who searched left and right for his 15 lakh invisible teleprompters, left audiences as confused as himself, but not Shorswami.
He answered the Tea Minister’s call from the saffron fort to target the new Naxals even before it was made, asked or even thought of.
Shorswami told his viewers that ‘Dimaagi Naxals’, meaning ‘Intellectual Naxals,’ clearly shows that the government considers brains to be the new bombs.
“It will not be the first time that TV news has found something that doesn’t exist,” he told his confused staff.
“The one or the other jihadis, tukde-tukde gang, khan market gang, urban Naxals, and so many and many and many and some more,’ Shorswami made up past achievements.
While these past groups registered protests out of jealousy, he made sure the fake threat and reel news was not lost on anyone.
“Just add the entire ‘reel after reel-making Gen Z’ into the list, and we have the latest enemy,” he declared war to his relieved staff.
“They are more dangerous than real Naxals since they make fun, not bombs,” he continued, spitting everything but facts.
“While bombs can still come in handy, fun can go viral, giving the Tea Minister hiccups and causing him to miss an entire session of Parliament,” he shot.
With his staff-cum-audience now all alert to the real danger, he made sure they knew friend from foe.
Two types of groups exist today, ‘andhbhakts’ or blind followers and ‘Dimaagi Naxals’ or intellectual naxals.
He declared shamelessly with pride, “one is good and the other bad”, as he released a checklist of topics and people to help andbhakts identify dimaagi Naxals.
Jantar Mantar protesters bad, Jharkhand student protest good.
Delhi police lathis good, Jharkhand police lathis bad.
Trump on odd days good, even days bad.
Temple donation good, talking about donation theft bad
‘Revadi’ in Karnataka bad, in Bihar good.
Petrol and dollar at 64 bad, at 94 good.
E20 fuel good, good mileage vehicles bad.
Gen Z bad, Gen Z parents who shout at them good
Tea Minister’s whitewashed teeth and skin good, Gandhi’s Italian bad
Rupee good, dollar bad.
Hindi best; Sanskrit too; English bad; others okay okay.
Pakistan bad, Pakistan worst.
Nepal sometimes good, Nepal sometimes bad. Sri Lanka too. Bangladesh too.
Kashmir was bad, Kashmir now good.
RTI was good, RTI now bad.
Two-stanza Vande Mataram bad, six-stanza Vande Mataram good.
Gandhi bad, Godse good.
Davarkar good, apology bad.
Nehru bad, Rahul worse.
To be continued…
(Written by Prabhpreet, an Unsanskari Writer, with a lifelong experience of laughing at things that make him cry.)
InJest is a satirical column from South First. Names, places, and situations referred to in the satirical piece are fictitious and are not intended to hurt any sentiments. The column is meant to be taken with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of laughs.
