Published Jul 20, 2026 | 11:54 AM ⚊ Updated Jul 20, 2026 | 11:54 AM
InJest in a satirical column by South First. Names, places, situations are all fictitious. Caricature by Satish Acharya/South First.
“That’s not TV News!” Shorswami argued.
“Asking tough questions of a minister, whom the government already wants thrown under the bus, is hardly praiseworthy,” he argued some more.
Editor-in-Chief of Shouts Wow was hit by a large dose of jealousy as social media was filled with praise for a former-chela-cum-now-rival journalist for putting the country’s Ethanol minister in a spot. Shorswami was quick to separate the ethanol from the petrol.
“Questioning the questionable is easy; defending the indefensible while getting mocked is real TV journalism,” he went on and on and on.
Those he paid to listen to and agree with him in the newsroom did their jobs well as they nodded.
“There is more merit in asking questions that were pre-approved by those that matter and actually lead the country than surprising them.”
“I’ll show you how it’s done” he finally declared proudly.
He kept his word as he shouted the loudest and longest on his daily prime time debate show, “Who Shouts Wins”.
With the government spokesperson drawing a blank when questioned by fellow panelists on problems with Ethanol mixed fuels, Shorswami, like a good journalist, jumped in with the answers and counter questions.
In a masterful performance he took them on and muted their mics at exactly the “right” time.
The opposition party’s opposition was the first opposition he chose to oppose.
Calling its spokesperson a hypocrite, Shorswami targeted his hypocrisy with his own.
“You celebrated your defeat in 2024 as victory since the party in power was forced to be a coalition government mixed with other parties,” he explained.
When no one could make sense of the senselessness, Shorswami continued, “But when it comes to fuel you are saying mixing is bad. This is hypocrisy plain and simple.”
Before the spokesperson could point to the pointlessness of the point, his video feed was cut.
“Now you have run away. No wonder you have been out of power for more than a decade,” he told the opposition which was not present anymore.
Politics dealt with, Shorswami moved to the “experts”.
First came the turn of the mechanic-cum-YouTuber who has been making videos and reels of the long line of vehicles coming to him with damage that he claimed is due to E20 fuel.
“You are a traitor,” he declared on national television. “Not only to the nation by challenging its government but also to your fellow mechanics.”
Even if what you are saying is true, which I know for sure is not true, you are here trying to drive away their business by opposing the fuel bringing mechanics such massive profits.
“You are opposing a government scheme to increase incomes of automobile mechanics,” he declared.
The mechanics mobile started pinging with threats as soon as he excused himself from the broadcast.
Tired of just attacking, Shorswami soon shifted gears.
He converted the auto-expert to a believer in ethanol-based fuels.
He explained to him how vehicular damage, which does not exist, will make the people complaining about it buy new vehicles.
“For an industry harmed by Covid the most, due to falling vehicle sales because of falling incomes, this is a godsent opportunity,” Shorswami told the person hearing him in amazement.
Like the Top minister said, this will stop people from buying foreign imported items like gold and petroleum products, etc. “Instead of imported fuel they will buy local politician made ethanol. Becoming a boon for the economy.”
As proof he held a piece of paper to the camera that he claimed was a joint statement by the heads of all car manufacturing companies in the country.
He explained, “This was written and released by the government today after all of them met with Jails minister of the country for drinks last night.”
In a last effort to fight back in a losing effort, one of the panelist’s tried to say that insurance companies were refusing to cover damages caused by the mixed fuel.
Shorswami surprised him by saying that this proves the point he has been making: there is no damage caused by it so no need for insurance.
“If cancer doesn’t exist then why would any one offer cancer insurance.”
As the clock finally winded down to “enough is enough” o’clock, Shorswami turned his attention to the nation that doesn’t want to know.
Staring directly into the camera he said, “for those, if any, watching tonight, blaming me for supporting the government with closed eyes and an open mouth, I have something to say.”
He paused for affect that never came but he paused nonetheless.
“Ask not what your government can do for you, ask what you can do for your government,” he concluded.
His TRP for that week fell below average but his profits for the quarter went up by 20 percent with advertising from auto vehicles and government advertising leading the profits.
(InJest is a satirical column from South First. Names, places, situations referred to in the satirical piece are fictitious and are not intended to hurt any sentiments. The column is meant to be taken with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of laughs).
