Published Oct 22, 2026 | 3:03 PM ⚊ Updated Oct 22, 2026 | 3:03 PM
InJest in a satirical column by South First. Names, places, situations are all fictitious. Caricature by Satish Acharya/South First.
The Delhi police’s aggressive work tackling the protests against vote chori has earned them well-deserved rewards, not just promotions.
To win the next World Cup, the Football Association of India has decided to replace all players with Delhi police personnel.
The association took the unanimous decision despite all committee members voting against it.
The House Minister, who also holds the additional charge of kicking, backed the decision he forced upon the association.
The Minister told Satya, “The police deserve it, as in football no one will cry foul and protest when they kick someone.”
He was named the head coach of the football team with the capital’s police commissioner as his assistant and captain.
A football, on the condition of anonymity, told Satire Satya, “That no amount of kicking and screaming from protestors distracted the police from their goal was what clinched the decision in their favour.”
The football rounded off, “The superb defensive skill shown by the police, whether it was to kick, pick, throw, carry, shout, or slap the protestors, is as necessary to win the next World Cup.”
A referee’s whistle blew, “The zest with which they counter-attacked and man-marked people even before they started protesting or reached the field of play is seen as ominous for success on the football field.”
It blew again as it added, “All of them refusing to wear name tags showed their teamwork and willingness to play for the greater good and not individual glory is more good news for the country’s football fans.”
With female police officers and constables not far behind their male counterparts, the decision to be represented by Delhi police has been passed for both the men and women’s football teams.
To ease pressure, the House minister said the police will be rewarded even if they don’t win the World Cup, as long as they “beat” Pakistan and its players and don’t shake hands before and after.
A goal post told Satya about an offside, “with almost all of them preferring to use their hands on the protestors before kicking them, there is intense competition for the goalkeeper’s post.”
The decision also faced pushback from the Kabaddi association, which wanted Delhi police for its team, but it was dismissed, as India’s kabaddi team is already the best in the world and doesn’t need help like the football team.
(Written by Prabhpreet, an Unsanskari Writer, with a lifelong experience of laughing at things that make him cry.)
InJest is a satirical column from South First. Names, places, and situations referred to in the satirical piece are fictitious and are not intended to hurt any sentiments. The column is meant to be taken with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of laughs.
