Published Oct 07, 2026 | 1:58 PM ⚊ Updated Oct 07, 2026 | 1:58 PM
InJest in a satirical column by South First. Names, places, situations are all fictitious. Caricature by Satish Acharya/South First.
The Chief Selection Commissioner won gold for the country at this year’s Asian Games in Japan for the newly introduced sport of Voter deletion via SIR.
Speaking to Satire Satya, after checking his voter ID, the Chief Selector called the selection process sacrosanct and humbly gave all credit to himself for deleting so many voters.
He revealed his tactics of not caring about whether the voter being deleted was genuine or not as the secret behind his success.
His achievement was praised by all who benefited from it and is considered monumental, given he competed with those from countries considered dictatorships, kingdoms, theocracies, and communist states.
“To beat them given that he has to work within the stifling constraints of a democracy is no small feat,” praised the House Minister responsible for upholding it.
“Yes, it indeed made things difficult, but you have to play with the cards (voter cards in this case) you are dealt,” Commissioner told Satya.
After breaking the Asian record, he now hopes to compete in the next Olympics and become the best in the world.
“I want to win gold at the Olympics and show our Tea Minister’s unwavering will to see the deletions through,” he revelled as he revealed.
“Giving me immunity from the law, even if I make wrong deletions, on purpose or not, motivated me more than anything else,” he thanked the Tea Minister.
He told Satya the supreme judges of the country and, those below them, helped him during preparations too by backing me even when experts told them my preparation and planning were wrong.
“The television news media gave me freedom by not showing anything I did, so my competition and those questioning me had no idea how to take me on when it came time to play or delete,” he said, flashing the V sign at Satya’s cameras and in voters’ faces.
In the end, he thanked some of his country’s people, “Even when the Opposition and The Indian Express tried to reveal my strategy to win gold, the elections and people’s mandate and silence shut them down.”
(Written by Prabhpreet, an Unsanskari Writer, with a lifelong experience of laughing at things that make him cry.)
InJest is a satirical column from South First. Names, places, and situations referred to in the satirical piece are fictitious and are not intended to hurt any sentiments. The column is meant to be taken with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of laughs.
